Internal Pack System
There were times when I had one dog as my companion, also a couple or three. They each had their unique traits, but I sensed there was more to it—a need for something bigger, like a pack. Years later I discovered the modality emphasizing expression of various inner selves – Internal family systems. I quickly learned that there are multiple parts in me. Sometimes conflicting emotions, when I felt anger, insecurity or joy, there was a tendency to suppress some of them as they opposed each other. I started to practice this art of noticing and welcoming whatever comes up in my body even though it seems they will kill each other (Yes, dogs also may fight, but they rarely hold grudges—they resolve conflicts and move on).
It became a natural way to associate my internal parts with a dog pack which now accounts for 7 individuals and I know it's not the finite number. I feel insecure Gusta, she's a very sensitive and delicate soul, I do possess the hedonism and naughtiness of Tomi, the feeling I can trade everything for a piece of joy is very familiar. I certainly have the perfectionism of Nessie, I can scream when there's something that doesn't look “ as it should be”, a very dangerous concept. Then there's an open heart of Gabor and anger of Skudra, when something triggers the threats she can invent on the spot. Then I have Torvi and I have a special connection with her. I relate very much with her ability to persist the pain and never give up. She got into accidents more than any other pack member, lost her tail and got injured paws several times. But she's unstoppable, the pain she's undergone made her stronger.
And I'm very happy I recently discovered Trond. He's the leader. He understands the environment as well as his peers. He reads the directions well when we are on the trail. I noticed it before, and very clearly. But he wasn't able to make decisions and act accordingly as there were other parts that threatened him and gave him doubts even though he knew the right way. But now he feels safe and supported, as other parts are aligned so they can coexist. That's the way he can lead.
